It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
