Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
