John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize