why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
