are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
