The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
