Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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