And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
