you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
