I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
