oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
