I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
