be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
