We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
