i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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