would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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