my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize