let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
