whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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