Where did you get a picture of my penis
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
