the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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