wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
