3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
