my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Randomize