My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
