your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
