You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
