Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
