I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
