Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
