so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize