Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
