Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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