Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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