i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
