you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
