i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
