Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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