I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
