But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
