I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
