am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
