i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
