Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
