Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize