yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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