He asked to "fluff my boner.."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
