went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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