my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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