Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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