I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
