and you said cock pushups were impossible
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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