I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize