you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If I die, sorry about rent.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
