Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
