I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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