I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it glows. i had to have it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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