So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
