i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
