Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
