Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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