i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
