My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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