I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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