My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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