how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
