I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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