Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
