There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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